Nothing is as insane and unpredictable as saddling up what you hope will be a nice date in the great Republic of Colombia. Be prepared to see things you never before imagined, fresh from actual experiences. The Colombian Dating Game is tricky but I am going to give you a peek into my experiences dating men in Colombia.
Disclaimer: No men were harmed or emotionally hurt in the research phase of this article. I gave each one genuine attention and some of them I ended up even liking. During my research I tried to give each one a fair shake. That is to say that there was no malicious intention behind what you are about to read. I simply took each one for what he presented me and tried it on like a pair of shoes to see if the fit was “agradable,” or nice.
The Colombian Dating Game
In a country where machista ideas are king, the dating scene here can leave women feeling less than a queen and more like an abandoned lover. There are cultural norms here that tell men they aren’t even real men if they don’t have multiple women as partners. And really, it’s sad. Women here have largely allowed the male-dominated media to tell them that this is their reality, and they have swallowed it hook, line and sinker.
It’s not just Latin women either. Even foreign women have come here and out of a desire to integrate, and accepted less than their real worth. I should know, I was one of them. I still am one of them, but I am actively working on realizing my own worth. If you can relate with anything I have written so far, then keep reading.
My Dating Experience
Following my own breakup, I really wanted something to fill the time. My deepest desire was mainly to build connections and relationships while focusing inward on myself. Don’t get me wrong – I want someone to go out with, but my time is pretty limited. Once a week, I like to go out and do something with a member of the opposite sex. To feel like a beautiful, classy woman, if nothing else.
I baited the hook and cast it out into the dating pool of the Coffee Axis. Here are some of the experiences I have had so far. I can’t say I am looking for a hot and heavy relationship de una, or immediately. The energy I am putting out, is to attract someone giving, but without expectations that must be filled. The right guy will make me want to give back…
Mr. Alto Cylidraje
Nothing gets a gal hot to ride like the potential of a guy with a big bike. But does he have more than just a bike? Well. I found him to be genuinely nice, with beautiful eyes. But, his lack of knowledge about things like dance and books – was kind of a turn-off. For the right gal, he is going to be a fun guy to go riding with on weekends, drink beer on a Friday night while catching the game, and maybe even a little romp in the hay later. But not with the one who writes these words.
Mr. Veterinarian – OMG GIVE ME MONEY!!!!
This one was so cute and provincial I almost believed he was the “oh shucks” type of guy he tried to act like. And, he kept throwing out these hot pictures of him hanging out with this gorgeous horse, it was great: a guy hanging out with horses. Sneaky! The day we had planned to meet he calls me and asks me to wire-transfer 430,000 cop to some gal in Circasia, Quindio because he hit her motorcycle, and she is threatening to have his car impounded.
Hmm, seems like he was just running a very typical Colombian money scam from a dating approach. Clever. Even if it wasn’t a scam – no real man is going to call a nice gal he doesn’t even know, and then ASK FOR MONEY! Seriously folks…don’t fall for this crap.
I actually did catch what felt like someone very nice. He was a bit older – but within my 35-50 limitation. In the end, the thing kinda faded out. He was nice, attentive on the one date we had, but ultimately – too compartmentalized. The messaging was kinda one-sided and I got the feeling that it just wasn’t going to go anywhere. Nice, but maybe too nice. I never got a feel for what it was he was looking for. Maybe he doesn’t even know himself. I took it as a sign he wasn’t really interested and moved on. Why do I call him Mr. Cyclista? Cause cyclists are difficult to be with, if you want someone to be around on weekends to go do things…
I didn’t want to limit myself, so I met up with a guy who was a bit more acuerpado, or heavyset. Unfortunately, he was someone who went from big hunk to big lunk. With a little motivation, he would be fit in no time. The right gal might even be able to give it to him. And honestly, the size wasn’t so much an issue, as the motivation. He seemed more like the “Let’s lay at home and watch tv type” while I’m looking for more of an “let’s go find adventure, travel and romance” type.
Strange and Funny Things That Happened During My Dating Adventures
Here are some of the highlights, and lowlights of the dates I went on. Time to turn up the heat.
A sweet present on the first date. Proving to me that nice guys really do exist. One of the dates gave me an artisan bracelet from an indigenous culture. It was a cute gesture and it made me take notice. Do giving men still exist? It’s quite possible.
“A veces hay que cortar las alas para que no vuela el pajaro.” Translation: I will club the pretty woman on the head and drag her to my cave and ravish her!! ha ha ha! And if she tries to leave – well she won’t try to leave. (evil laugh for emphasis) Yes, someone actually said that during a date. No, I don’t think I will give him any serious consideration.
Have you ever cheated before? Was a question I had asked one of the dates. To which he answered, “A long time ago. It was a phase. I was young and not very serious.” But even as I had asked the question his eyes darted down to the left indicating he was going to tell a lie of some kind. Multiple women partners is common here.
Business to muh face, sex via text. You gotta love the male capacity to say one thing and do another….ok, I guess it applies to women too. This one was funny and pathetic at the same time. During my comings and goings I met one nice, well-dressed and even ruggedly attractive English speaking Colombian. He talked about having me do some work to help publicize his business and I gave him my number. Next thing I know he was propositioning me via text to go hit the bed and do some screaming together…whoah buddy! Why? Because according to him “Gringas are sexy and horny.” Hmm, sure….you just keep believing that. We love sex as much as anyone else – but please don’t put that Hollywood marketed promiscuity clause on every cute foreign gal you meet. Bleh!
Even in Colombia the dating scene is funky. As I have discovered, sometimes the best thing in the end, is to really just sit back and let paradise guide you to the next place, or person where you are meant to be with. I’m really not impressed with anything I have seen during my little speed dating experience. Out of maybe 4 or 5 guys I spoke with, I only felt attracted to a couple of them.
I know that there are a ton of really good men in my world even now. Only time will tell if the right one is willing to step up to the plate and give it a try. Meanwhile, I reckon I’ll just hang out. Dance. Pursue my passions. Do some karate in between. Part of why I threw myself into this investigation is because I am in a place where my heart is a bit locked away and hidden from the world. Part of me still hopes I can find someone to spend the holidays with, hold me when I feel lonely and take me out. And, if I don’t – then I will spend quality time with my family as a free woman who doesn’t have to put out anything she doesn’t want to. That’s pretty nice too.
This article is Part 1 in a series of articles I have decided to write on the topic of dating and relationships here in Colombia. It’s not easy dating in a foreign country. And, if you don’t know the cultural norms…you might find yourself uncomfortable or even being abused. Each of us are looking for our “media naranja” or perfect love partner – but very few of us will find it successfully.
I estimate the conclusion of this series to be between 2-3 years out on my publishing schedule. Someday, I am going to walk the walk like a woman of worth, wear a ring and promise “till death do us part.” But until then, be sure to follow my adventures as I bring you stories and times of the life of an Open Minded Traveler!