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Nobody Cares About Single Moms

Nobody Cares About Single Moms

Expat Parenting, International Politics and Issues, Life Abroad

If you are a single mom who is struggling – don’t reach out to family and friends hoping they will help you, or even support your projects. Our time has come and gone. In this brave new world, you are NOT the one that anyone is going to care about. Here is why Nobody Cares About Single Moms…

Why Nobody Cares About Single Moms

The day I became a single mom, I knew my hard times were just beginning. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I put on my brave face. And I always try to find a way, no-matter-what. But what a tragic reality that the world we live in is so saturated with victims – and people taking advantage of federal benefits, that the ones who are ACTUALLY struggling, get brushed aside. It’s like nobody cares…

The Facts:

  • According to Science Direct, “Single parent families are disproportionately poor; overall, 28% of families with children and a female head-of-household and no husband and 13% of families with children and a male head-of-household and no wife lived below the poverty level in 2005 (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2002).” [1]
  • Another Study finds that, “The 2015 Single Parent Household Survey found that 20.2% of single parents experience depressive symptoms, with 54% coping with the symptoms on their own and a mere 5.7% seeking professional help.” [2]
  • One that really worries me says “a study from Sweden – the biggest, most convincing ever done on the subject – that says children in one-parent homes are twice as likely as those in two-parent families to develop serious psychiatric problems and addictions later in life.” [3]
  • And this gal – she gets it: “Considering that the majority of single mothers in the U.S. are separated or divorced, the consequences of divorce are disastrous for women with children compared to men. While male incomes rise by a third after a split, a woman’s income falls by more than a fifth and she can struggle financially for years. And how about we pour some salt into that female wound with the fact that divorce makes men, particularly fathers, significantly richer.” [4]

Being a single parent isn’t fun, and it isn’t a game either. 

Here’s why Nobody Cares About Single Moms:

#1: White Trash And Federal Benefits

Actually it’s not an issue limited to color. But, as soon as federal benefits became a thing for single women, the trashy ones started having more kids so they could get more child support and/or federal benefits. Now, all we hear about on the news, are the moms who go and buy beer, cigarettes and clothes with the money they get.

Thanks to white trash women, people will judge me as having been slutty, and they won’t care about my story. Is it any surprise I feel that Nobody Cares About Single Women?

They won’t care about the fresh faced hopes I faced when I met my ex, the party night where we came home a little tipsy and he convinced me to let him forgo the condom, or even the first time I ever saw him cry. He was crying because he found out that my premature birth was going to cost us almost $5,000 USD in a Colombian private hospital. Not because he feared for the life of me or my baby.

 

 

This is why Nobody Cares About Single Moms…

#2: I Died and Moved Abroad

As I hang up the phone with my dad, my heart sinks at his lack of empathy. “You’re just so far away,” he says. He doesn’t care that I never found my passion, my dream or even a decent life that I never had – back in my home country. Instead, all he can think is that I live in some crazy foreign country where drugs are cheap and violence is a daily event. What he doesn’t realize is that food here is so cheap, that even with when I am unable to earn enough, it is the one thing I CAN afford.

Nobody Cares About Single Moms
My son was born at 8 months at the public hospital in Pereira, Colombia. I was to have my baby shower the next day after my water broke. Instead, I was taken to the hospital and my nightmare began. Read about my experience HERE.

That’s right, I died and moved abroad. And now as a single mom, I can’t even imagine going back to the US because my baby’s daddy would probably never approve it. And, to be realistic, I really can’t think what I would do if I DID go back. I have been gone now over 6 and a half years at the time this article is being written.

#4: You Made Your Choices

A rationalization which gets rid of the guilt. Of course, I DID make my own choices. And I chose to give birth to my baby versus commit an act of murder. I accepted my responsibility and promised myself and my son that no matter what we would find a way. So yes, I made my choices. My sons father also made his choices when he chose to sell my stuff instead of help me pay my bills.

The only wrong choice I made, was allowing myself to fall in love with a man who was from a culture I didn’t understand.

My mom has my everlasting thanks and gratitude. She made the choice to move down here and help me raise my son instead of staying in the US and enjoying her retirement. I will never forget her. Sometimes it is almost too much to bear that my mom is helping to support me instead of me helping her to relax and enjoy her retirement.

#5: The 21st Century Belongs to Women

My final point is a shout-out to the feminists. Thanks, but no thanks. It’s true, that the 21st century belongs to women. We have learned explicitly, in every way, on every pop music video, theatrical film and tv series, that women only need to “man-up” and find a job, become executives and take control of their own lives.

Now, men no longer feel the need to care for or protect the single women, widows or struggling women of the world. They feel that feminism ensures that we will get the jobs, the benefits and win it all in the end. Feminism means that we have to work harder than ever before, fill both roles with an almost super hero finesse, and still find the time to cook and clean.

#6: Why You Should Care About Single Moms

There is no future for mankind without mothers. Our mothers bring us into the world. They spend nine months giving a piece of their life energy, a piece of their soul and a piece of their spirit to ensure that our species continue. If you have a single mom in your life, call her and ask her how you can help. It may not be anything monetary, it may be only showing that you are there and willing to listen.

You should care about single moms because our failures become the burdens which our children carry. I pray every day that God will show me how to love and care for my son – so that he learns to love and respect the woman he might fall in love with one day. My sons father is taking me into Conciliation in July 2019, not because he is concerned about his sons future. Probably because he feels that $135 USD per month would be better spent in his hands on his bicycle hobbies and expenses. These are things which single moms must live with. We wouldn’t be single moms otherwise.

#7: You’re a White Gringa Therefore You Must Be Rich

The one thing which really sucks – is being the white gringa. It probably doesn’t even have anything to do with color either. I never saw color, but unfortunately much of the world does. Colombia is no exception. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a place where I can’t move forward, and I can’t move back.

To return to the US, I have no career (aside from my writing), and no savings. To stay in Colombia – I can afford the basic food staples at least. When I do have a little bit of money, I can take my family out to eat, spend time writing in a café or even take a short day-trip (forget about regular vacations). But every time I try to sell my work to Colombians I feel like they look at me like a freak (she probably has hella dollars). NOBODY cares about single gringa moms.

Final Thoughts

This is Why Nobody Cares About Single Moms. Pop culture, feminism, white trash and us making our own choices have landed us in this place. It’s time to put on our work boots, put our babies on our hips and trudge onward. Constantly we hear about women who overcome insurmountable odds to get ahead in the world and come out the other end as successful women. I pray to God that each and every one of us can live to tell that story.

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If I ever have the means and opportunity to help other struggling single moms like myself…I will. Because I Care About Single Moms. I care about the ones who are acting like nothing is wrong, when on the inside they are screaming “Dear God, please let me earn enough today to pay my bills.” Your struggle is real, our struggle is real. We don’t choose to follow our dreams so that our children can suffer. We follow them because we want to be there with them every step of the way ensuring they make better choices than we did.

If you are a single mom, this is your moment to take a deep breath, let out all your inner emotions, and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are not alone. There is a Heavenly Father who is watching over us, if we are willing to cry out to Him and ask Him to help us be strong when we cannot be strong any longer.

Feel free to sound off in the comments about your struggle, your frustration and your feelings. This is YOUR moment to let it all out as I have. Even when Nobody Cares About Single Moms – Jesus definitely does, and He is there waiting for us to cry out “Abba Father give me the strength that I no longer have.” It is a constant struggle. It is my struggle.

I’m not writing this story because it’s fun, fuzzy or even a comfortable reality. I’m writing it because a little bit of help I could do bigger and better things, which includes raising my son and helping others.

If you feel even a little bit sympathetic, please consider giving as little as $5 per month to help me build something great. It takes money to earn money, and with a new opportunity I can not only cover my own expenses but also help other single moms who are struggling by using their services.
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This is me – naked and bare, revealing what I fight to hide from the world every.single.day. If you’ve actually read this far, and all you feel is resentment, hate or worse, a total lack of sympathy, move along. We both know that Nobody Cares About Single Women.

Sources:

  1. https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/single-parents
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6108495/
  3. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/single-parent-kids-more-at-risk/
  4. https://medium.com/publishous/the-demonization-of-single-mothers-345d8d3adb63

 

About the author

English Teacher, Freelancer, Chocolate Entrepreneur and Traveler!!

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