Updated August 2026: I originally wrote this article in 2018, when my understanding of relationships in Colombia was still being shaped by a handful of very intense experiences.

Some of my conclusions have changed.

Some haven’t.

Colombian dating culture can still sit somewhere between total exhilaration and a complete shitshow.

The difference is that after more years of living here, I’ve become less interested in creating rules for Colombian men and women and much more interested in recognizing patterns.

Most of my personal experience has been in Colombia’s Coffee Axis—Pereira, Manizales, Caldas and relationships with people whose families also had roots in Chocó.

That matters.

Colombia is not one dating culture. Age, city, social class, family, religion, education and individual personality can completely change the experience.

So don’t treat these as commandments.

They are six lessons I learned—occasionally the hard way.

1. Family Can Enter the Relationship Very Early

Caerle bien a la suegra.

Making a good impression on the mother can matter.

One of the first things that surprised me about dating in Colombia was how quickly family could enter the picture.

You may meet someone’s mother, siblings, cousins or children far sooner than you would expect in the United States.

That does not automatically mean you are headed toward marriage.

But family can tell you a tremendous amount about the person you’re dating.

How does he speak to his mother?

How does she treat her parents?

Who depends on whom financially?

What happens when the family disagrees with something?

What roles do the men and women play inside the household?

And perhaps most importantly: does the person you’re dating behave the same way around their family that they do around you?

Pay attention.

Meeting the mother is not proof that somebody is serious about you.

But seeing someone’s family environment can help you understand where many of their expectations came from.

2. Slow Down Before You Confuse Chemistry With Commitment

My original version of this article talked about the idea that a “good girl isn’t easy.”

I don’t look at it that way anymore.

How quickly someone chooses to have sex tells you very little about their character.

What is useful is slowing the relationship down long enough to find out whether there is anything underneath the chemistry.

Colombia can be intensely romantic.

People flirt.

They dance.

They touch.

Affectionate language comes easily.

Someone can call you mi amor surprisingly quickly.

For a foreigner who isn’t accustomed to that level of warmth, it can create a tremendous sense of intimacy before you’ve actually built much of a relationship.

So take your time.

Not because sex makes you less respectable.

Because time gives you information.

What happens when you establish a boundary?

Does the person remain interested?

Can you enjoy each other’s company without sex, nightlife or expensive dates?

Do they make plans during ordinary daylight hours?

Do they introduce you to people who matter?

Does their story remain consistent?

Waiting won’t guarantee a good relationship.

But it gives attraction enough time to stop doing all the thinking for you.

3. Don’t Romanticize Dangerous People

Colombia’s history has produced a strange international fascination with narcos, cartels, guerrillas and organized crime.

That fascination belongs on Netflix.

Not in your dating life.

If you discover that someone you’re seeing is actively involved in organized crime, trafficking or an armed group, creating distance is not being culturally insensitive.

It is common sense.

The same applies to people who repeatedly surround themselves with violence, weapons, unexplained money or obviously dangerous associates.

Foreigners sometimes excuse things abroad that would immediately alarm them at home because everything feels exotic.

Don’t.

You do not need to prove how adventurous or open-minded you are by remaining close to someone who makes your instincts scream.

There are plenty of exciting things to experience in Colombia that do not involve wondering whether your boyfriend’s business associates are going to get you killed.

4. Understand Machismo—Without Excusing Control

Machismo is one of those words foreigners learn quickly in Latin America.

But it can become too convenient a label.

A man paying for dinner isn’t automatically a machista.

Opening a door isn’t oppression.

Neither is a woman enjoying traditional gender roles if those are roles she genuinely wants.

The problem begins when tradition becomes control.

Jealousy presented as love.

Monitoring your phone.

Deciding who you can see.

Controlling what you wear.

Restricting your finances.

Expecting obedience.

Making decisions for you because “that’s how men are here.”

No.

Cultural context can help explain behavior.

It does not require you to accept it.

I’ve dated men with very traditional ideas about masculinity. Some of those traditions could feel wonderfully romantic.

Others eventually became suffocating.

The distinction I make now is simple:

Chivalry is not the problem. Control is.

You need to decide which expectations work for you and communicate that clearly.

Do not enter a relationship assuming you will eventually remodel another adult’s worldview.

You probably won’t.

5. Money Reveals Relationship Expectations Very Quickly

This is the lesson that cost me the most emotionally.

When I started dating my former partner, I had a good job and reasonable financial independence.

Sometimes we split expenses.

Sometimes I paid because I wanted to go somewhere and he didn’t have the money.

At first, I didn’t mind.

Then my financial situation changed.

His improved.

And I discovered that the generosity I had extended when I was doing well wasn’t necessarily going to flow back in my direction when I wasn’t.

At one of my lowest financial points, his solution was essentially that I should sell something so I could continue paying my half of the rent.

That changed the way I looked at the relationship.

Not because I believe a man is obligated to finance a woman’s life.

Because reciprocity matters.

Relationships rarely remain financially symmetrical forever.

One person loses a job.

Someone gets sick.

A child needs something.

A business fails.

An opportunity appears.

The question isn’t simply:

Who pays for dinner?

The better question is:

What does each person believe they owe the other when life stops being convenient?

Talk about money earlier than feels romantic.

Who pays for dates?

What happens if one person earns substantially more?

Does either person support relatives?

Are loans expected?

What constitutes a financial emergency?

Would you live together?

Would expenses be split equally or proportionally?

Money does not make a relationship unromantic.

Refusing to discuss money can make a relationship disastrous.

And don’t create a financial arrangement at the beginning that you already know you will resent later.

6. Don’t Date a Nationality

When I originally wrote this article, I described a strange social pressure I felt to date Colombians rather than other foreigners.

Looking back, I think the bigger problem was the idea that dating a Colombian somehow represented successful integration.

It doesn’t.

You don’t receive cultural-adaptation points for having a Colombian boyfriend or girlfriend.

And you are not failing at life abroad if you happen to fall in love with another foreigner.

Foreign residents often arrive wanting the full cross-cultural experience.

I understand that.

I have generally been attracted to Colombian men myself.

The language, humor, romanticism and cultural differences can be incredibly appealing.

But a passport is not a personality.

Dating someone because they represent your fantasy of Colombia is just another way of dating an idea instead of a person.

Choose the person who treats you well.

The person whose life actually fits yours.

The person with whom difficult conversations are possible.

The person who doesn’t require you to abandon your judgment just because everything feels exciting and foreign.

If they’re Colombian, wonderful.

If they’re not, that’s fine too.

The Rule I Would Keep

If I had to reduce everything I have learned about dating in Colombia to one piece of advice, it would be this:

Go slowly enough to see what is actually happening.

Learn Spanish.

Meet the family.

Have conversations about money.

Ask what exclusivity means.

Watch what happens when you say no.

Don’t excuse obvious red flags as “cultural differences.”

Don’t assume every unfamiliar behavior is a red flag either.

Enjoy being desired.

Enjoy dancing.

Enjoy romance.

Enjoy the ridiculous messages and unexpected adventures and moments that make cross-cultural dating so much fun.

Just keep your judgment switched on while you do it.

Colombian dating can be passionate, confusing, beautiful and occasionally exhausting.

Sometimes all before lunch.

But the goal is not to become an expert on “Colombian men” or “Colombian women.”

It is to become better at recognizing the person standing in front of you.

Dating in Colombia Is More Than Chemistry

The complicated part of cross-cultural dating usually begins after the attraction.

Passport to Passion draws on more than a decade of living and dating in Colombia to explore money, family, fidelity, communication, cultural expectations, warning signs and the difference between an exciting relationship and an attractive fantasy.

It isn’t a pickup manual.

It’s a candid guide for people who want to date in Colombia without leaving their judgment—or themselves—behind.