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The Truth About Colombian Men

The Truth About Colombian Men

Dating

I’m not gonna lie. The Truth about Colombian men is this, that they are probably some of the worst creatures to ever roam the earth, be it flat, spherical, or square.

I must admit that there are exceptions…somewhere. But, they are so few and far between, I recommend that when you start dating Colombian Men, it’s with your defenses up and guns loaded for bear.

Colombian Men

colombian men

First I will say all the positive, so that when my critics crucify me, they can at least appreciate why I still like Colombian Men.

The best lovers, Colombian men are famous for their bedside manner. That is to say, most are quite proficient at sex. On the other hand, they also seem to be really obsessed with it too. Definitely a testosterone hot culture.

Physically, I find Colombian men to be extremely handsome. If you like that classic Latino look, regardless of skin shade, then you will LOVE this culture. Added Benefit: most men here are within their natural weight range.

They speak like Romeo, and hurt like a toothache. Colombian men have a way of whispering sweet nothings that are guaranteed to melt even the coldest heart of them all. I think many of them are natural born poets.

Tip: Always look beyond the words of Colombian men and judge them by actions.

Lies, Lies, and More Lies

Most people in Colombia lie. It is culturally acceptable to “protect” yourself with little white lies. This is the rule and not the exception. Crazy “ex” issues that constantly filter into your experience? Maybe she isn’t actually an ex.

I have had men write me, or ask for my number, flirt, then admit later that they have a girlfriend. This one happens more than I expect it to. One of my exes to this day still lies about the dumbest things, on a chronic basis.

In Colombian culture “mentiritas,” or little white lies, are socially acceptable if they protect loved ones in some perceived way. Even many workplaces here are often characterized by employees that lie to protect themselves on a constant basis.

Aggressive Married Men

Especially if his phone gets shut off on nights or weekend, assume the worst. Don’t let your heart get compromised by an aggressive married man who doesn’t want to ruin his great family situation by divorcing his estranged wife.

Having lovers on the side is common. In fact, many married women even have active knowledge of their husbands unfaithfulness. I once heard a story where two women cornered their man and made him choose between them. He committed suicide instead of making up his mind.

The word for boyfriend/girlfriend of a married person is mozo (masculine)/moza (feminine). It is as typical in Colombia as the arepa, or corn cake that is served with every meal.

In some situations the wife and the moza, have even ended up in tentative friendships each lending her own support to the man they both love. Colombian men can be very complicated.

Machista Men Who Are Basically Abusers

Ok, so I am not completely convinced about the “machismo” thing. Yes, Colombian men sometimes seem a bit more masculine than their American counterparts. But, this society hides abusers by calling them “machista” instead of simply calling them out for what they are: abusive assholes.

Much of this comes from mothers who either teach their sons to be extra manly because they are terrified of raising a gay man, or by fathers who demand dinner at 7:00 PM and sex daily.

Unfortunately, therapy is not common, and conservatism can cause many abusers and their victims to never seek help. In other situations, the men travel, live abroad and begin to have a different concept of the world and they can improve.

Natural Born Rapists

The intenseness of a Colombian man is exotic, especially when they start kissing on you. American men really should come down, learn to kiss, then go back and get themselves a nice lady to love on.

“If you continue with this attitude I am going to rape you.”

Unfortunately, NO can mean GO in Colombian culture. They have shows like Muñecas de la Mafia which shows girls getting raped by their boyfriends, who they tried to break up with. And, many women have been raped at least once or twice here. Talk about triggers!

Your best defense is a good offense. In other words, do not find yourself alone in an intimate situation with someone you don’t know very well, try to double date when possible. There is no rape hotline, and the police won’t care very much.

Of course, there are exceptions. At least 50% of the men here ARE NOT rapists. Even so, 1 out of 2 means that your odds are a bit dicey. Plan ahead, and always have an exit strategy. Note: While there are no CURRENT rape statistics related to men, there is a heavy stigma against women reporting rape, if not a total lack of justice.

According to World Organization Against Torture, many authorities receive such reports according to whether they “Perceive” the woman to be honest:

“When women do come forward to denounce such violence, they are often met with discriminatory stereotypes in the judicial and law enforcement systems that perpetuate notions that the victim is to blame for provoking the violence. Also, it is reported that protection of women is sometimes granted according to opinions of whether a woman is “honest” or not, and that some opinions do not view women as credible witnesses.”

What does this mean?

There is no way to know exactly what the actual statistics are, but if a woman is raped, she will be met with heavy bias, and has a slim chance of justice. Which means, that as women travelers/residents we have to be extremely careful where we go, with whom, and the situations we fall into, because justice for this crime is virtually non-existent, neither is honest reporting.

Mama’s Boy

Watch out for signs of a mama’s boy. If you are interested in Colombian Men who live with, or are extremely close to their mother’s – RUN! These can be the worst situations to deal with.

A man like this might be caring, kind and attentive, unless he has plans with mama. Sundays are usually spent going to mass with, or eating lunch, at mama’s.

Watch out for these man-child freaks as they don’t look for equal partners, instead hoping to find a mommy replacement to sustain them one day.

One man I spent some time with, had soft manicured hands, a slight pudge, and no sense of punctuality. At the overripe age of 40 he still lived with mama and papa. I will never forget how I sat patiently in a car with his parents for over 30 minutes waiting for him to come down.

In another situation, I dated a charming older man (52) whose mother was in her 80’s. He was definitely looking for a mama replacement to baby him from the cradle to the grave.

These tend to be men who are extremely charming, handsome, nice whatever – but horrifically unmotivated to put on their man-pants and succeed at life. In the US, we usually call these man-babies INCELS.

Control Freaks

Another big red flag in Colombia, are the men who use subtle manipulation to isolate and control women. I have only really experienced it a little bit in some of my own situations, but have heard horror stories where even the suegra, or mother-in-law becomes an accomplice.

Create solid friendships and protect them from Colombian men. This might mean compartmentalizing your life a bit, or even laying down strong ground rules from the very beginning for yourself, and them.

Of course, this is nothing more than classic relationship advice, but even the best of us can forget these “rules” once love strikes.

Don’t ever let anyone isolate you from your support group. On the other hand, make sure it is healthy, and non-toxic. Friendships can take time to build here, but are vital for helping you navigate the storms of life abroad in Colombia.

Is There Hope?

I can go on all day about how horrible Colombian men are. Many of my educated Colombian friends here, dream of dating a gringo, or going abroad to find love. The ones that have, will openly admit that the best relationship they had in their life was with “x” foreign man.

On the other hand, I HAVE seen healthy relationships here. There ARE exceptions, but you have to be very patient and sort the gems from the giant piles of dogs that are strewn everywhere.

And, no I am not saying that the women are innocent either – much of the same issues I have reported about men, have also occurred in women. Colombian women are their own weird twist of manipulative fun which must be carefully observed and understood.

Overall, Colombian culture is so oversexed, even on television, that foreigners often feel shocked, intrigued and excited as they go through their honeymoon stage. Even so, our success stories are few and far between.

My only piece of advice is the following:

Try to find people who have decent educations and who have lived in the exterior at least a few years. Keep your defenses up, and watch out for people who are “engañoso,” or game players that try to entrap you.

In Spite of It all, Colombian Men Fascinate Me

I will be the first to admit, that I am a total hypocrite, having fallen in love with a few different Colombian men who weren’t right for me. On the other hand, the glamour and flash of these men doesn’t attract me as much as it used to. Even their beauty isn’t as dazzling to me as it once was.

Younger men are to be observed carefully for signs of a “user,” while older, more experienced men must be held at arms length as they are often so carefully practiced you won’t even spot their games until it is too late.

Having dated both older and younger men, I can honestly say that I prefer the 40-ish range. However, the biggest problem with this age group is that some of them are mommas boys who never left home.

In the interim whenever I am single, I spend a lot of time working on myself and my inner state. Much of what men and women attract in relationships, are a reflection of their own weaknesses, self-image, or parent figures.

The best way to find a healthy loving relationship is to work on self-esteem, confidence, self-love, and mental wellness. We can’t keep playing the same game expecting a different outcome, use self-improvement to bring better opportunities.

If you aren’t leading a life which is balanced and fulfilling, you run the risk of falling into worse and worse situations. It may mean years of loneliness while you analyze yourself, but well worth the headaches you are avoiding down the road.

On the other hand, if you find someone and the chemistry is that good, proceed with caution. It is better to believe in love and keep trying, than to resign yourself to a lonely future. Give it a chance. Or keep reading!

My warnings are only meant to guide, protect and increase the chances that you might find your very own happily ever after, after all.

About the author

English Teacher, Freelancer, Chocolate Entrepreneur and Traveler!!

18 Comments

  1. Juanita Guerra Arellano
    December 12, 2020 at 12:08 am
    Reply

    Dear Erin, I love this !!!
    That‘s why i married an Austrian. They appreciate hard working, intelligent and Independent Woman.
    I grow up with my Colombian Boyfriends my self. I love the very much and i thought i will marry a Colombian. But it was allways that feelling!!
    And I‘m so happy to be with my Erich ❤️❤️❤️

    Thank you for write so clear and teach us,
    That each of us, no matter from where you are, you have to grown your inside!!

    The Rest doesn‘t matter ❤️❤️ It will come to your life

    • marv
      June 30, 2021 at 8:04 am

      You “dated” 2.5 Columbian Men but know that they are “The best lovers, Colombian men are famous for their bedside manner. That is to say, most are quite proficient at sex.”

      It sounds like you consider “dating” a marriage of sorts and sex an event at every first meeting.
      No wonder you had to go to Colombia to get men to pay attention to you, American men are afraid of getting STD with someone like you.

      BTW, American Women are known around the World for being Easy…. so you just reinforced their idea about American women.

    • Expat78
      December 23, 2021 at 11:07 pm

      Juanita- congratulations on making the right decision by marrying an Austrian (UP). If one day I have a daughter, I’ll definitely brainwash her into avoiding Colombian boys. “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.”-Aristotle

    • Expat78
      December 23, 2021 at 11:09 pm

      Marv- if you wanted to sound like a woman-hating-knuckle-dragging-toolbag, mission accomplished. Calm the F down cabron.

    • ariasdaDiego
      May 10, 2022 at 10:45 pm

      Hmmm, the ridiculousness of this post baffles me. I am a Colombian-born American raised in a mostly white town in the U.S. and I have seen white men do all of the things you have mentioned. Are Italian men any more or less obsessed with their mother or cheating on their wives? Are Irish American men not drinking til the sun comes up every weekend and then going off on their wives? The domestic violence statistics in the American South aren’t really coming from an influx of Colombian men? What about mormons in Utah? That seem like a super supportive culture of women’s rights? What about the crazy right-wingers who feverishly obsess over regulating women’s bodies in many American states? Hmmm, is Trump a Colombian man, because he seems to fit all of the stereotypes you mention. My point here, as a guy from a Colombian family, is that abuse and “machismo” is found in many cultures and takes on many forms. I do not cheat on my wife, am not a mama’s boy, and do not fit any of these absurd jingoistic stereotypes you posted on this blog. I have seen these sorts of things in many cultures, however, and find that this is a rampant problem in most cultures, even Western or Asian societies. I don’t really think John F. Kennedy, Donald Trump, or Bill Clinton fit the “good, wholesome, family man” image more than any other Colombian hothead out there.

    • openmindedtraveler
      May 11, 2022 at 8:24 am

      Do you not find it slightly absurd that you are trying to say that the opinions of women who have lived these things is invalid? Juanita is Colombian, I am American but AS WOMEN we can agree that Colombian men are difficult to date. How can you try to say that you are right when we are wrong – you are a man defending your position, pride? …whatever it is that feels sensitive about the ideas we are putting out. Yes these issues exist everywhere, but some come more to the forefront than others due to national CULTURE. How can you claim that our ideas are wrong when you maybe have lived in the US most of your life – only visiting Colombia?

  2. Humberto
    May 29, 2021 at 10:17 am
    Reply

    Erin, you have spotted the right characteristics that define a Colombian man. As a Colombian myself, I can see those traits in our culture. I am Colombian myself and have lived in the US for 20 something years and have dated mostly Americans and Europeans, those experiences have really helped me in identifying all the drama that latinos bring into our relationships. We can be a lot of work after the initial fun we can bring at the beginning. We show the claws [mostramos las un’as] after a while.

    Your article is very transparent and I do not feel offended at all.

    Cheers,

    H.

    • Triplehp
      December 23, 2021 at 1:42 pm

      Humberto! Claro que sacas las uñas de tu transparencia con querer el billulo $$$$ de las gringas y europeas huevas sin sal. Esta vieja loca cree que un Colombiano se va fijar en sus arrugas o botox por su belleza blanca , pelo meado, y ojos de moco…no mujer te miran es por tu dinero mujer boba! Pero, bueno que se esperan de mujeres que no tienen nada más que dinero que ofrecer? 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️Jejejeje🤣

    • Expat78
      December 23, 2021 at 11:08 pm

      Humberto- glad to know there is at least 1 honest Colombian man out there; I know there are a few more, I haven’t met them yet.

  3. Patrycja Smietana
    June 15, 2021 at 9:06 am
    Reply

    I love your post, also your sence of humour. I laughed out loud. I came across it when I googled:are all Colombian men so upfront’ hahahah I am traveling in Colombia right now and as a European I found their’upfontness’ slightly intimidating. Thank you so much for writing this, that’s exactly what I needed to read before I fall into the trap. I will be very careful and give it a very long thought before I alllow a Colombian men too close. 🙂

  4. Expat78
    December 23, 2021 at 11:10 pm
    Reply

    I googled “why are Colombian men so arrogant?” And your article popped up. I’m a straight American with a Colombian wife, and I’ve been to CO 15 times and this never fails, it actually happened today, whenever I meet a Colombian male who speaks English, his arrogance is immediately obvious. This hyper Colombian arrogance isn’t lost in any form of translation.

    Everything the author wrote is correct. I’ve been on 100s of dates with Colombian women and I’ve only ever heard bad things about the men. The men hear have the worst reputation I’ve heard of any country I’ve visited. My wife has countless stories about how terrible and dishonest the men are.

    I’m only trying to make a Colombian friend while we wait for my wife’s US visa; we’re stuck here in sort of a holding pattern, so why not. The problem is, Colombian men have such off putting personalities. They aren’t the least bit humble, very sure of the nonsense rolling around in their heads, and coming out of their mouths. They’re never wrong even if you have actual facts supporting your argument. Good luck getting a Colombian to apologize. Honestly, the lot of them are knuckle dragging apes, but I’m still open to making a Colombian friend. My expectations are very low, not holding my breath and a dog is looking like a better option. Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.

  5. Expat78
    December 23, 2021 at 11:18 pm
    Reply

    Rough draft on why Colombian men are hyper arrogant:
    I’ve been to CO 15 times, and everytime I meet a Colombian who speaks good English, their super high level of arrogance is almost immediately obvious; there’s nothing lost in translation. Why are Colombian men so arrogant? Here’s my guess: it’s based on socioeconomics. CO is 30 years behind most first world countries meaning men are providing the household with the majority of the money which obviously gives them power or the final vote when making decisions. So I believe culturally, Colombian men have been conditioned to always be right. Subconsciously, there’s probably a phrase scrolling in the back of the Colombian male mind that reads: “I am always right!, I am always right!”. This erroneous, delusional, brainwashing is probably why Colombian men are known for cheating on their women and being generally dishonest, all their thoughts and desires are right. This conditioning is why you never hear an apology in CO. The waiter could serve your food 2 hours late with no apology, why? Because he is right and an apology is an admission of guilt and Colombian men are always right, so how could the waiter possibly feel guilty. At the highest level of Colombian politics, they have a reputation for being corrupt and stealing from the people. How does a rich politician steal from the poor without guilt? Because he is Colombian and he is right to steal guilt free.

    • openmindedtraveler
      December 28, 2021 at 9:25 am

      There ARE great men in Colombia – not very many, but I have male friends here that, even if I won’t date them at the very least I enjoy their company. Being selective has kept me out of many traps. My best advice is to do YOU, pursue your hobbies and interests and then keep an open mind. You will meet other men that you can share with. I have been living in a small pueblo for a year now and met both better and worse people, but it has definitely changed my perspectives and reinforced much of what I say in the article. You will probably find the best friends to have are men who lived in the exterior and came back with a new perspective!

  6. Marie
    January 14, 2022 at 8:42 am
    Reply

    Wow thanks for your work, this article really resonates with me. I have dated a few Colombian men and this article really rings true and makes so much sense now. I tend to be very open minded about dating men from different cultures and although I have had lots of life experience I think I was a bit naive. I was not aware we could be so different. I recently was lied to by a Colombian man that I was dating. He pretended I was the only one but he was dating many others too. ‘The other women’ contacted me and told me he was using me to get a visa. She is Colombian and still wants to be with him despite the fact he was lying to her and dating me and apparently other women too behind her back. I have cut him off as soon as I realised he could not be trusted. I am not prepared to deal with the lies. Trust and honesty is too important to me. I took honesty and being genuine for granted before and I assumed he was genuine but he was not. I’m now learning the importance of taking time to understand peoples cultural norms. I have learnt that we really need to get to know people and we should not trust them completely straight away. We can’t just assume others are being honest and trustworthy. Our culture can really have such an influence on our behaviours. It was hurtful to be deceived and potentially used by this Colombian man. In hindsight he was really disrespectful and controlling too. He would say things to me like “your mine”, “your my slut”. He even got std checked and showed me the results and told me he was committed to me only so we did not need to use condoms only to find out that he was not using protection with other women either and even got another girl pregnant whist he was also having sex with me. This was hurtful but I’m so glad I found out now that he was lying to me. I have dodged a bullet and I’m lucky to get out of that relationship after just 3 months. I will admit though I did really enjoy the love bombing, the passion, his masculinity and the passionate sex. He was really charming, good looking, well groomed, strong and his intensity and passion and very high sex drive was intriguing. This guy seems to be a master manipulator though and not a good guy. Surely all Colombian men are not that bad and there must be some good ones. We get all sorts of people in every culture but your experience with Colombian men does seem very similar to mine interestingly.

  7. VICTOR ANGEL SANCHEZ
    January 21, 2022 at 9:26 pm
    Reply

    Marie: my wife is Colombian and she and her mother have both told me to NOT make friends with Colombians….why do you think that is? My wife is 42, my mother in law is in her 60s, sadly, they have both lived their entire lives in Medellin, and with that being said, they know the men here. Only someone virtue signaling would say, “there has to be some good Colombian men” but that would be a sucker’s bet or someone IGNORANT to the culture. If you want NO strings attached sex, or maybe a baby without a father, Colombia is the answer, but if you’re a woman living in the real world, you should probably AVOID CO. The men here are all talk, from a woman’s POV they say “charming” things, complete BS in reality, from a man’s POV (me) they talk with crazy confidence, but when they offend ME and it’s time to fight, they crawl into a hole like the cowards they are. I’m American, the most violent people on the planet, 15 times in CO and I have NOT yet met a Colombian who will step up and fight this American. Why? They’re FULL of shit. Fake as fuck. FAKE CONFIDENCE. Maricas. Escobar was the only hard Colombian and if I came face to face with him, he’d be dead. 5 years in Brazilian jiu jitsu, and my blood is from Spain and Mexico. I’m not a bully, but I also DON’T take shit from people and Colombians are FULL of shit. I’m in Sabaneta for 2 more months, if you’re a Colombian “man” who can read my words and think you’re hard, I stand out like a sore thumb in the street, approach me and I’ll be more than happy to slap the fuck outta you. CO is a boring country with all the flu restrictions, so a fight would add some novelty to this boring situation, let’s go

    • catrehpta
      February 27, 2022 at 2:21 am

      Mucha boca hpta baboso saltamuros

  8. Christina A-J
    February 22, 2022 at 12:48 pm
    Reply

    This article resonates with me something fierce. I’ve spent the last three years in a relationship with a Colombian man here in the US, and talk about complicated. He’s 50 now, has been here (back and forth) since his mid-20s so he’s well adapted to American culture, but the level of hypocrisy and denial in that man was so high, I’ve been stuck rebuilding my self esteem since our breakup. I feel as if I’ve been being gas-lit three years running. He’d say, “be yourself, I love you as you are,” but as soon as I’d revert to being myself with him, it was open season for criticism. I bent myself into mental and emotional pretzels to keep that man happy, to the point of not recognizing myself by the time we were done.

    Given my background in psychology, I freely admit I am entirely ashamed of not recognizing the level of abuse earlier before walking away.

    Never again.

  9. Statiiana
    March 28, 2022 at 11:55 am
    Reply

    Hello , I too am on the brink of realizing my sweet , romantic Colombian man was not the true person he is . Over time promises we’re not kept , I saw how he made up things to get out of obligations to friends or family . He started to become all talk , no action but only to me. I married him , I thought we were building a life together . A nice home , a business , chance yo travel and honestly live a good life , but shortly after married almost all of his attention was on himself , gym, soccer , making money and more money , how he looks tattoos, anything that made him look or feel good. He would talk to his mom and son every night for hours and in the muddle of every occasion but I thought it was family love and I only assumed that was the same love and respect I would continue to get . After being together almost 6 years married 2.5 it’s all changing so quickly . We brought his son here in May and since then it’s been like I don’t matter or exist . He doesn’t care anything about my needs or feelings . He’s cold as ice . He can go 2 weeks with barely talking . All of a sudden he’s super pro Colombiano he talks badly if our food here , he’s overly judgemental for e everything . He doesn’t he’ll too much with the house or cooking , or yard work . He’s only got time for himself , making money and worried how he looks . I’m fine with self love but it’s like an arrogance to him and his son. I’ve raised kids from prior relationship and I have a 11 year older living with me. Seems like since his son came he even wants his son to feel more loved over mine. He even went as far this year of not even doing one thing to celebrate his birthday. I’ve experienced many hurtful things this last year most all after his son arrived . I’m sorry it made me think I was used for papers and now he has what he wants . I only think this because if you really love someone it should not be a change like that overnight . Also he’s never ever wrong in any argument, he always expects me to have everything perfect , including my looks . When I gained some weight over the last two years he was very rude about it . Let’s just say I feel in a way I’ve been lied to and blinded by Colombian swag to get what he wants. Truly , I really loved him and I gave my whole heart and soul and finances to build something great . Heartbreaker … I find this read comforting to know these traits are normal for CO men. Sadly it’s still heartbreaking.

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