I’m not gonna lie. The Truth about Colombian men is this, that they are probably some of the worst creatures to ever roam the earth, be it flat, spherical, or square.
I must admit that there are exceptions…somewhere. But, they are so few and far between, I recommend that when you start dating Colombian Men, it’s with your defenses up and guns loaded for bear.
Colombian Men
First I will say all the positive, so that when my critics crucify me, they can at least appreciate why I still like Colombian Men.
The best lovers, Colombian men are famous for their bedside manner. That is to say, most are quite proficient at sex. On the other hand, they also seem to be really obsessed with it too. Definitely a testosterone hot culture.
Physically, I find Colombian men to be extremely handsome. If you like that classic Latino look, regardless of skin shade, then you will LOVE this culture. Added Benefit: most men here are within their natural weight range.
They speak like Romeo, and hurt like a toothache. Colombian men have a way of whispering sweet nothings that are guaranteed to melt even the coldest heart of them all. I think many of them are natural born poets.
Tip: Always look beyond the words of Colombian men and judge them by actions.
Lies, Lies, and More Lies
Most people in Colombia lie. It is culturally acceptable to “protect” yourself with little white lies. This is the rule and not the exception. Crazy “ex” issues that constantly filter into your experience? Maybe she isn’t actually an ex.
I have had men write me, or ask for my number, flirt, then admit later that they have a girlfriend. This one happens more than I expect it to. One of my exes to this day still lies about the dumbest things, on a chronic basis.
In Colombian culture “mentiritas,” or little white lies, are socially acceptable if they protect loved ones in some perceived way. Even many workplaces here are often characterized by employees that lie to protect themselves on a constant basis.
Aggressive Married Men
Especially if his phone gets shut off on nights or weekend, assume the worst. Don’t let your heart get compromised by an aggressive married man who doesn’t want to ruin his great family situation by divorcing his estranged wife.
Having lovers on the side is common. In fact, many married women even have active knowledge of their husbands unfaithfulness. I once heard a story where two women cornered their man and made him choose between them. He committed suicide instead of making up his mind.
The word for boyfriend/girlfriend of a married person is mozo (masculine)/moza (feminine). It is as typical in Colombia as the arepa, or corn cake that is served with every meal.
In some situations the wife and the moza, have even ended up in tentative friendships each lending her own support to the man they both love. Colombian men can be very complicated.
Machista Men Who Are Basically Abusers
Ok, so I am not completely convinced about the “machismo” thing. Yes, Colombian men sometimes seem a bit more masculine than their American counterparts. But, this society hides abusers by calling them “machista” instead of simply calling them out for what they are: abusive assholes.
Much of this comes from mothers who either teach their sons to be extra manly because they are terrified of raising a gay man, or by fathers who demand dinner at 7:00 PM and sex daily.
Unfortunately, therapy is not common, and conservatism can cause many abusers and their victims to never seek help. In other situations, the men travel, live abroad and begin to have a different concept of the world and they can improve.
Natural Born Rapists
The intenseness of a Colombian man is exotic, especially when they start kissing on you. American men really should come down, learn to kiss, then go back and get themselves a nice lady to love on.
Unfortunately, NO can mean GO in Colombian culture. They have shows like Muñecas de la Mafia which shows girls getting raped by their boyfriends, who they tried to break up with. And, many women have been raped at least once or twice here. Talk about triggers!
Your best defense is a good offense. In other words, do not find yourself alone in an intimate situation with someone you don’t know very well, try to double date when possible. There is no rape hotline, and the police won’t care very much.
Of course, there are exceptions. At least 50% of the men here ARE NOT rapists. Even so, 1 out of 2 means that your odds are a bit dicey. Plan ahead, and always have an exit strategy. Note: While there are no CURRENT rape statistics related to men, there is a heavy stigma against women reporting rape, if not a total lack of justice.
According to World Organization Against Torture, many authorities receive such reports according to whether they “Perceive” the woman to be honest:
“When women do come forward to denounce such violence, they are often met with discriminatory stereotypes in the judicial and law enforcement systems that perpetuate notions that the victim is to blame for provoking the violence. Also, it is reported that protection of women is sometimes granted according to opinions of whether a woman is “honest” or not, and that some opinions do not view women as credible witnesses.”
What does this mean?
There is no way to know exactly what the actual statistics are, but if a woman is raped, she will be met with heavy bias, and has a slim chance of justice. Which means, that as women travelers/residents we have to be extremely careful where we go, with whom, and the situations we fall into, because justice for this crime is virtually non-existent, neither is honest reporting.
Mama’s Boy
Watch out for signs of a mama’s boy. If you are interested in Colombian Men who live with, or are extremely close to their mother’s – RUN! These can be the worst situations to deal with.
A man like this might be caring, kind and attentive, unless he has plans with mama. Sundays are usually spent going to mass with, or eating lunch, at mama’s.
Watch out for these man-child freaks as they don’t look for equal partners, instead hoping to find a mommy replacement to sustain them one day.
One man I spent some time with, had soft manicured hands, a slight pudge, and no sense of punctuality. At the overripe age of 40 he still lived with mama and papa. I will never forget how I sat patiently in a car with his parents for over 30 minutes waiting for him to come down.
In another situation, I dated a charming older man (52) whose mother was in her 80’s. He was definitely looking for a mama replacement to baby him from the cradle to the grave.
These tend to be men who are extremely charming, handsome, nice whatever – but horrifically unmotivated to put on their man-pants and succeed at life. In the US, we usually call these man-babies INCELS.
Control Freaks
Another big red flag in Colombia, are the men who use subtle manipulation to isolate and control women. I have only really experienced it a little bit in some of my own situations, but have heard horror stories where even the suegra, or mother-in-law becomes an accomplice.
Create solid friendships and protect them from Colombian men. This might mean compartmentalizing your life a bit, or even laying down strong ground rules from the very beginning for yourself, and them.
Of course, this is nothing more than classic relationship advice, but even the best of us can forget these “rules” once love strikes.
Don’t ever let anyone isolate you from your support group. On the other hand, make sure it is healthy, and non-toxic. Friendships can take time to build here, but are vital for helping you navigate the storms of life abroad in Colombia.
Is There Hope?
I can go on all day about how horrible Colombian men are. Many of my educated Colombian friends here, dream of dating a gringo, or going abroad to find love. The ones that have, will openly admit that the best relationship they had in their life was with “x” foreign man.
On the other hand, I HAVE seen healthy relationships here. There ARE exceptions, but you have to be very patient and sort the gems from the giant piles of dogs that are strewn everywhere.
And, no I am not saying that the women are innocent either – much of the same issues I have reported about men, have also occurred in women. Colombian women are their own weird twist of manipulative fun which must be carefully observed and understood.
Overall, Colombian culture is so oversexed, even on television, that foreigners often feel shocked, intrigued and excited as they go through their honeymoon stage. Even so, our success stories are few and far between.
My only piece of advice is the following:
Try to find people who have decent educations and who have lived in the exterior at least a few years. Keep your defenses up, and watch out for people who are “engañoso,” or game players that try to entrap you.
In Spite of It all, Colombian Men Fascinate Me
I will be the first to admit, that I am a total hypocrite, having fallen in love with a few different Colombian men who weren’t right for me. On the other hand, the glamour and flash of these men doesn’t attract me as much as it used to. Even their beauty isn’t as dazzling to me as it once was.
Younger men are to be observed carefully for signs of a “user,” while older, more experienced men must be held at arms length as they are often so carefully practiced you won’t even spot their games until it is too late.
Having dated both older and younger men, I can honestly say that I prefer the 40-50 ish range. However, the biggest problem with this age group is that some of them are mommas boys who never left home.
In the interim whenever I am single, I spend a lot of time working on myself and my inner state. Much of what men and women attract in relationships, are a reflection of their own weaknesses, self-image, or parent figures.
The best way to find a healthy loving relationship is to work on self-esteem, confidence, self-love, and mental wellness. We can’t keep playing the same game expecting a different outcome, use self-improvement to bring better opportunities.
If you aren’t leading a life which is balanced and fulfilling, you run the risk of falling into worse and worse situations. It may mean years of loneliness while you analyze yourself, but well worth the headaches you are avoiding down the road.
On the other hand, if you find someone and the chemistry is that good, proceed with caution. It is better to believe in love and keep trying, than to resign yourself to a lonely future. Give it a chance. Or keep reading!
My warnings are only meant to guide, protect and increase the chances that you might find your very own happily ever after, after all.
If you feel like these tips resound with you and you want to have an online consulting session – feel free to email me at openmindedtravel@gmail.com. Cost is $25/hour to sit and discuss perspectives, ideas and culture norms related to dating in Colombia.
Juanita Guerra Arellano
December 12, 2020 at 12:08 amDear Erin, I love this !!!
That‘s why i married an Austrian. They appreciate hard working, intelligent and Independent Woman.
I grow up with my Colombian Boyfriends my self. I love the very much and i thought i will marry a Colombian. But it was allways that feelling!!
And I‘m so happy to be with my Erich ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for write so clear and teach us,
That each of us, no matter from where you are, you have to grown your inside!!
The Rest doesn‘t matter ❤️❤️ It will come to your life
marv
June 30, 2021 at 8:04 amYou “dated” 2.5 Columbian Men but know that they are “The best lovers, Colombian men are famous for their bedside manner. That is to say, most are quite proficient at sex.”
It sounds like you consider “dating” a marriage of sorts and sex an event at every first meeting.
No wonder you had to go to Colombia to get men to pay attention to you, American men are afraid of getting STD with someone like you.
BTW, American Women are known around the World for being Easy…. so you just reinforced their idea about American women.
Expat78
December 23, 2021 at 11:07 pmJuanita- congratulations on making the right decision by marrying an Austrian (UP). If one day I have a daughter, I’ll definitely brainwash her into avoiding Colombian boys. “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.”-Aristotle
Expat78
December 23, 2021 at 11:09 pmMarv- if you wanted to sound like a woman-hating-knuckle-dragging-toolbag, mission accomplished. Calm the F down cabron.
ariasdaDiego
May 10, 2022 at 10:45 pmHmmm, the ridiculousness of this post baffles me. I am a Colombian-born American raised in a mostly white town in the U.S. and I have seen white men do all of the things you have mentioned. Are Italian men any more or less obsessed with their mother or cheating on their wives? Are Irish American men not drinking til the sun comes up every weekend and then going off on their wives? The domestic violence statistics in the American South aren’t really coming from an influx of Colombian men? What about mormons in Utah? That seem like a super supportive culture of women’s rights? What about the crazy right-wingers who feverishly obsess over regulating women’s bodies in many American states? Hmmm, is Trump a Colombian man, because he seems to fit all of the stereotypes you mention. My point here, as a guy from a Colombian family, is that abuse and “machismo” is found in many cultures and takes on many forms. I do not cheat on my wife, am not a mama’s boy, and do not fit any of these absurd jingoistic stereotypes you posted on this blog. I have seen these sorts of things in many cultures, however, and find that this is a rampant problem in most cultures, even Western or Asian societies. I don’t really think John F. Kennedy, Donald Trump, or Bill Clinton fit the “good, wholesome, family man” image more than any other Colombian hothead out there.
openmindedtraveler
May 11, 2022 at 8:24 amDo you not find it slightly absurd that you are trying to say that the opinions of women who have lived these things is invalid? Juanita is Colombian, I am American but AS WOMEN we can agree that Colombian men are difficult to date. How can you try to say that you are right when we are wrong – you are a man defending your position, pride? …whatever it is that feels sensitive about the ideas we are putting out. Yes these issues exist everywhere, but some come more to the forefront than others due to national CULTURE. How can you claim that our ideas are wrong when you maybe have lived in the US most of your life – only visiting Colombia?
Lilian
April 30, 2023 at 7:41 amI thought this article was spot on!
Kimberlee D Thorne
October 8, 2023 at 1:41 amI think you’ve just saved me from making one of the biggest mistakes if my life. I was searching for info about Colombian men being mamás boys since yesterday I saw some red flags in my relationship. Thank you so much for this article!
Humberto
May 29, 2021 at 10:17 amErin, you have spotted the right characteristics that define a Colombian man. As a Colombian myself, I can see those traits in our culture. I am Colombian myself and have lived in the US for 20 something years and have dated mostly Americans and Europeans, those experiences have really helped me in identifying all the drama that latinos bring into our relationships. We can be a lot of work after the initial fun we can bring at the beginning. We show the claws [mostramos las un’as] after a while.
Your article is very transparent and I do not feel offended at all.
Cheers,
H.
Triplehp
December 23, 2021 at 1:42 pmHumberto! Claro que sacas las uñas de tu transparencia con querer el billulo $$$$ de las gringas y europeas huevas sin sal. Esta vieja loca cree que un Colombiano se va fijar en sus arrugas o botox por su belleza blanca , pelo meado, y ojos de moco…no mujer te miran es por tu dinero mujer boba! Pero, bueno que se esperan de mujeres que no tienen nada más que dinero que ofrecer? 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️Jejejeje🤣
Expat78
December 23, 2021 at 11:08 pmHumberto- glad to know there is at least 1 honest Colombian man out there; I know there are a few more, I haven’t met them yet.
R.K.R
October 1, 2022 at 2:15 pmI’m Colombian and I have to say the problem with the article this lady wrote is the fact that her life look like a trash can she fight enough to fill with wrong people.The description of Colombian man you did is offensive and disturbing,WE ARE NOT NATURAL RAPISTS and Netflix series about drug dealers are not good source of information about how the common Colombian Man , well educated for lovely parents act as adult.I live in America 15 years and I have three adult children ;all of them man and Im so proud to say they was born in Colombia and never rape a girl ,the older is 28 married with a Venezuelan girl and respect his wife and love her; the other is 26 single and respect the girls and people in general in such a way that my friends want him to date any of their American daughters as well as the last one who has 24 and just join the Army. He only problem is that young people now days do not want compromise but that not have anything to be with being Colombian or Chinese or French is a personal thing.You are talking from your bitter experience and Im so sad you have such a experience like the horrible shit came out from your post.You are not describing Colombian men you are describing a general problem of many human beings and is totally wrong to tag a nationality a race or belief with that crap.It shows how poor education you have by the way,” tell me what you presume of and I will show you what you don’t even have a trace.”
Patrycja Smietana
June 15, 2021 at 9:06 amI love your post, also your sence of humour. I laughed out loud. I came across it when I googled:are all Colombian men so upfront’ hahahah I am traveling in Colombia right now and as a European I found their’upfontness’ slightly intimidating. Thank you so much for writing this, that’s exactly what I needed to read before I fall into the trap. I will be very careful and give it a very long thought before I alllow a Colombian men too close. 🙂
Expat78
December 23, 2021 at 11:10 pmI googled “why are Colombian men so arrogant?” And your article popped up. I’m a straight American with a Colombian wife, and I’ve been to CO 15 times and this never fails, it actually happened today, whenever I meet a Colombian male who speaks English, his arrogance is immediately obvious. This hyper Colombian arrogance isn’t lost in any form of translation.
Everything the author wrote is correct. I’ve been on 100s of dates with Colombian women and I’ve only ever heard bad things about the men. The men hear have the worst reputation I’ve heard of any country I’ve visited. My wife has countless stories about how terrible and dishonest the men are.
I’m only trying to make a Colombian friend while we wait for my wife’s US visa; we’re stuck here in sort of a holding pattern, so why not. The problem is, Colombian men have such off putting personalities. They aren’t the least bit humble, very sure of the nonsense rolling around in their heads, and coming out of their mouths. They’re never wrong even if you have actual facts supporting your argument. Good luck getting a Colombian to apologize. Honestly, the lot of them are knuckle dragging apes, but I’m still open to making a Colombian friend. My expectations are very low, not holding my breath and a dog is looking like a better option. Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.
Expat78
December 23, 2021 at 11:18 pmRough draft on why Colombian men are hyper arrogant:
I’ve been to CO 15 times, and everytime I meet a Colombian who speaks good English, their super high level of arrogance is almost immediately obvious; there’s nothing lost in translation. Why are Colombian men so arrogant? Here’s my guess: it’s based on socioeconomics. CO is 30 years behind most first world countries meaning men are providing the household with the majority of the money which obviously gives them power or the final vote when making decisions. So I believe culturally, Colombian men have been conditioned to always be right. Subconsciously, there’s probably a phrase scrolling in the back of the Colombian male mind that reads: “I am always right!, I am always right!”. This erroneous, delusional, brainwashing is probably why Colombian men are known for cheating on their women and being generally dishonest, all their thoughts and desires are right. This conditioning is why you never hear an apology in CO. The waiter could serve your food 2 hours late with no apology, why? Because he is right and an apology is an admission of guilt and Colombian men are always right, so how could the waiter possibly feel guilty. At the highest level of Colombian politics, they have a reputation for being corrupt and stealing from the people. How does a rich politician steal from the poor without guilt? Because he is Colombian and he is right to steal guilt free.
openmindedtraveler
December 28, 2021 at 9:25 amThere ARE great men in Colombia – not very many, but I have male friends here that, even if I won’t date them at the very least I enjoy their company. Being selective has kept me out of many traps. My best advice is to do YOU, pursue your hobbies and interests and then keep an open mind. You will meet other men that you can share with. I have been living in a small pueblo for a year now and met both better and worse people, but it has definitely changed my perspectives and reinforced much of what I say in the article. You will probably find the best friends to have are men who lived in the exterior and came back with a new perspective!
Marie
January 14, 2022 at 8:42 amWow thanks for your work, this article really resonates with me. I have dated a few Colombian men and this article really rings true and makes so much sense now. I tend to be very open minded about dating men from different cultures and although I have had lots of life experience I think I was a bit naive. I was not aware we could be so different. I recently was lied to by a Colombian man that I was dating. He pretended I was the only one but he was dating many others too. ‘The other women’ contacted me and told me he was using me to get a visa. She is Colombian and still wants to be with him despite the fact he was lying to her and dating me and apparently other women too behind her back. I have cut him off as soon as I realised he could not be trusted. I am not prepared to deal with the lies. Trust and honesty is too important to me. I took honesty and being genuine for granted before and I assumed he was genuine but he was not. I’m now learning the importance of taking time to understand peoples cultural norms. I have learnt that we really need to get to know people and we should not trust them completely straight away. We can’t just assume others are being honest and trustworthy. Our culture can really have such an influence on our behaviours. It was hurtful to be deceived and potentially used by this Colombian man. In hindsight he was really disrespectful and controlling too. He would say things to me like “your mine”, “your my slut”. He even got std checked and showed me the results and told me he was committed to me only so we did not need to use condoms only to find out that he was not using protection with other women either and even got another girl pregnant whist he was also having sex with me. This was hurtful but I’m so glad I found out now that he was lying to me. I have dodged a bullet and I’m lucky to get out of that relationship after just 3 months. I will admit though I did really enjoy the love bombing, the passion, his masculinity and the passionate sex. He was really charming, good looking, well groomed, strong and his intensity and passion and very high sex drive was intriguing. This guy seems to be a master manipulator though and not a good guy. Surely all Colombian men are not that bad and there must be some good ones. We get all sorts of people in every culture but your experience with Colombian men does seem very similar to mine interestingly.
Marcus
December 17, 2023 at 10:03 amI’M LITERALLY DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF FINDING OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS COLUMBIAN MAN I WAS TAKING TOO FOR 4 MONTHS. HE LITERALLY LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING EVEN AFTER I HAD PROOF THAT HE WAS LYING… JUST LYING ABOUT LIES IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE ARE HE SAT THERE AND LOVE BOMBED ME AND TOLD ME I WAS THE ONLY ONE YET HE HAS ANOTHER GUY TAKING HIM ON FANCY TRIPS AROUND MY COUNTY THE UNITED STATES’… IT HURTS SO BAD KNOWING MY INTUITION WAS NOT JUST RIGHT BUT THAT HE IS SO MUCH MORE EVIL THAN I IMAGINED A HUMAN TO BE.. AND THEN HE SAID HE WAS HIS CULTURE AND THAT IF HE WAS BORN HERE HE COULD BE MORE LIKE ME… AND A BETTER PERSON. I SCARE HIM SO BADLY NOW THAT HE CAN’T FACE ME ANYMORE WITHOUT CALLING FOR THE POLICE. HE CRIED WOLF YET STILL CONTINUED TO TRY AND USE ME FOR SEX AFTER…… THIS ARTICLE IS HELPING ME HEAL BECAUSE I NOW KNOW IS NOT PERSONAL BUT IT IS VERY PERSONAL AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE HE TARGETED ME WHILE I WAS VERY VULNERABLE. USED CHARM AND HIS GOOD LOOKS AND PUPPY EYES TO MANIPULATE ME AND HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS. WTF MAN HOW EVIL.
VICTOR ANGEL SANCHEZ
January 21, 2022 at 9:26 pmMarie: my wife is Colombian and she and her mother have both told me to NOT make friends with Colombians….why do you think that is? My wife is 42, my mother in law is in her 60s, sadly, they have both lived their entire lives in Medellin, and with that being said, they know the men here. Only someone virtue signaling would say, “there has to be some good Colombian men” but that would be a sucker’s bet or someone IGNORANT to the culture. If you want NO strings attached sex, or maybe a baby without a father, Colombia is the answer, but if you’re a woman living in the real world, you should probably AVOID CO. The men here are all talk, from a woman’s POV they say “charming” things, complete BS in reality, from a man’s POV (me) they talk with crazy confidence, but when they offend ME and it’s time to fight, they crawl into a hole like the cowards they are. I’m American, the most violent people on the planet, 15 times in CO and I have NOT yet met a Colombian who will step up and fight this American. Why? They’re FULL of shit. Fake as fuck. FAKE CONFIDENCE. Maricas. Escobar was the only hard Colombian and if I came face to face with him, he’d be dead. 5 years in Brazilian jiu jitsu, and my blood is from Spain and Mexico. I’m not a bully, but I also DON’T take shit from people and Colombians are FULL of shit. I’m in Sabaneta for 2 more months, if you’re a Colombian “man” who can read my words and think you’re hard, I stand out like a sore thumb in the street, approach me and I’ll be more than happy to slap the fuck outta you. CO is a boring country with all the flu restrictions, so a fight would add some novelty to this boring situation, let’s go
catrehpta
February 27, 2022 at 2:21 amMucha boca hpta baboso saltamuros
Christina A-J
February 22, 2022 at 12:48 pmThis article resonates with me something fierce. I’ve spent the last three years in a relationship with a Colombian man here in the US, and talk about complicated. He’s 50 now, has been here (back and forth) since his mid-20s so he’s well adapted to American culture, but the level of hypocrisy and denial in that man was so high, I’ve been stuck rebuilding my self esteem since our breakup. I feel as if I’ve been being gas-lit three years running. He’d say, “be yourself, I love you as you are,” but as soon as I’d revert to being myself with him, it was open season for criticism. I bent myself into mental and emotional pretzels to keep that man happy, to the point of not recognizing myself by the time we were done.
Given my background in psychology, I freely admit I am entirely ashamed of not recognizing the level of abuse earlier before walking away.
Never again.
Statiiana
March 28, 2022 at 11:55 amHello , I too am on the brink of realizing my sweet , romantic Colombian man was not the true person he is . Over time promises we’re not kept , I saw how he made up things to get out of obligations to friends or family . He started to become all talk , no action but only to me. I married him , I thought we were building a life together . A nice home , a business , chance yo travel and honestly live a good life , but shortly after married almost all of his attention was on himself , gym, soccer , making money and more money , how he looks tattoos, anything that made him look or feel good. He would talk to his mom and son every night for hours and in the muddle of every occasion but I thought it was family love and I only assumed that was the same love and respect I would continue to get . After being together almost 6 years married 2.5 it’s all changing so quickly . We brought his son here in May and since then it’s been like I don’t matter or exist . He doesn’t care anything about my needs or feelings . He’s cold as ice . He can go 2 weeks with barely talking . All of a sudden he’s super pro Colombiano he talks badly if our food here , he’s overly judgemental for e everything . He doesn’t he’ll too much with the house or cooking , or yard work . He’s only got time for himself , making money and worried how he looks . I’m fine with self love but it’s like an arrogance to him and his son. I’ve raised kids from prior relationship and I have a 11 year older living with me. Seems like since his son came he even wants his son to feel more loved over mine. He even went as far this year of not even doing one thing to celebrate his birthday. I’ve experienced many hurtful things this last year most all after his son arrived . I’m sorry it made me think I was used for papers and now he has what he wants . I only think this because if you really love someone it should not be a change like that overnight . Also he’s never ever wrong in any argument, he always expects me to have everything perfect , including my looks . When I gained some weight over the last two years he was very rude about it . Let’s just say I feel in a way I’ve been lied to and blinded by Colombian swag to get what he wants. Truly , I really loved him and I gave my whole heart and soul and finances to build something great . Heartbreaker … I find this read comforting to know these traits are normal for CO men. Sadly it’s still heartbreaking.
MarriedToAColombian
August 23, 2022 at 2:46 pmThank you for this amazingly honest account of what I have learned to be true. I am married to a Colombian and started looking for answers online, when I stumbled across your article. Don’t mind the uneducated women that came here to crap on it. Shame on you ladies – stick up for your sisters! Nobody knows what it’s really like until you lived it! Thank you! Well written and spot on.
Mary
June 26, 2023 at 6:40 amJust because your man is like that, doesn’t mean all other men are the same.
Gabriel Posso
October 17, 2022 at 12:42 pmWhile I have to agree with some of things you wrote, I find this as such a huge generalization. I’m no classist, but I can assure you none of this is the norm in the North of Bogota and other cities with people who live above the 3rd status (middle class and up’s living areas). I will not agree with anyone saying “rapist born culture” as no one in my family, and none of my friends where I live have ever shown any disrespect to women, not even cat calls. And from my 8 girl friends, none of them have been raped. Other places might be different, but that’s what happens when a country could have another 8 little countries inside of it. because of how different they are, and you still put most men on the same ship. Find men in College, not in a bar. I promise you you’ll get some luck, unless you just wanna bang. Not all Colombians are down for that. Sea sensata mi doña.
Colnat123
September 13, 2023 at 10:30 pmOh dear… Proficient in bed? Are you giving points for effort? The confidence is there at least… Over promises undelivered bahaha I would say in summary, as a Colombian, they’re great. Many or just some are sweet fathers, I had the best one of them all, loyal friends, good blood family members. However, you will be cheated on, and there will be baggage. This is the whole over generalized but very true summary. If an exclusive relationship and out of the box sex aren’t priorities, then by all means go for it. Ohhh, dancing and being fun? Amazing!!!
BrokenHeartedAsian
December 12, 2023 at 2:32 amHi Erin. I am from a very small country in Southeast Asia and dated a Colombian man long-distance briefly after meeting online. He was in his early to mid 40s and his demeanor caught my eyes first. Though we had time differences and language barriers (me speaking English and very little Spanish and he in Spanish with little English), it seemed like things were looking rosy.
He was attentive and charming when we started and he told me that he loved my voice, listening and talking with me, and he don’t want to lose my contact. He said I was an important and marvelous woman. What tested us was when he had to go away for the weekend and he promised to send me photos and messages, which never happened. He never replied to my messages and only when he returned he finally responded (that was after I asked him if everything was okay and why he was not responding to me). I have to admit I am also partly at fault here with my own trust issues from a past relationship. He took it personally and said I was loading my issues and problems to him and started being cold towards me. He said I never try to understand him and his life.
What saddens me was how he didn’t give me a chance to show him I was willing to overcome my insecurities and learn to trust him. He also refused to have a proper conversation to talk about all the underlying challenges that we have. I was hoping for him to show me support and be there for me. He changed 360 degrees and became someone different.
We parted ever since that incident and I still loved him but I just don’t understand his mindset and the change in his attitude. Now that I am reading up on Colombian man, maybe I should have done that before opening up to him.
Notafanofcolombianmen
January 14, 2024 at 3:04 amFound your article after just having a first (and only) date with a Colombian man here in the U.S. and thinking I was going crazy with a stereotype about men from Colombia. I have dated one other Colombian man a couple of years ago. Both dates with each Colombian man did not have a 2nd date. The first Colombian man I dated a couple years ago was extremely arrogant, not chivalrous, trampled my boundaries, talked like women were all inferior to him, and finished off the date by sexually assaulting me on a public street in the city. Tonight’s horrible date was a proud Colombian who preached for 20 minutes on his opininions and trying to persuade me to his views followed by a separate heated discussion with his preaching about how America has no culture and Colombia does. This Colombian man was arrogant, set in his ways, talked down to me, truly didn’t listen to my thoughts and views, talked over me, and called me a racist after I stood my ground and held my boundaries and didn’t buy into his preaching persuasions. 2 out of 2 dates with Colombian men in the U.S. went absolutely horrible. Think I’ll stay clear of any other proud Colombian man for future dates.
Keith
July 20, 2024 at 1:16 amHI Erin,
It’s Keith. We have chatted on Facebook. I enjoyed the article and as a gay man living here many of the same challenges are the same.
Universalhuman
August 1, 2024 at 2:33 amI’m a Colombian bisexual with ambiguos gender identity and have lived in the U.S.A for several years and vacationed in some parts of europe. I think it would be interesting if you lived in Bogota and met the very rich and diverse culture of young people in the universities, political movements and the art world. Very different to everything that you talk about,I wonder if you’ve only lived in traditional territories like the eje cafetero. however I too agree that many of the common uneducated Colombian man is not to interesting, but I feel even more strong feelings about that in most North Americans. However in terms of a communicative, expressive and affectionate culture Colombians do far better than many other countries. Good luck, I wish you learn about different perspectives and meet different people.
Azadeh Amani
October 10, 2024 at 10:47 pmWould have been really amazing to hear you own any of your bias, blindspots, or privilege as a white woman dating in the third wolrd. Instead the level to which you generalize is staggering. It sounds like you have a Columbian fetish and, again, would be awesome if you would even slightly interrogate your own unearned privilege as a white woman dating men of color or name some things about your own demographics, biases, or cultural dispositions instead of just speaking on others. You say 40 – 50 is the best age group to date — for who?? A 40 year old woman? An 18 year old one? Where is your acknowledgment of the place you write from? “Open minded traveler” is an absurd description for your perspective. And, for the record, I am writing this a feminist first generation brown woman in case you want to react by suggesting that I am just replicating the patriarchy.