Colombian women, could she be the beginning of a romantic lifestyle in an exotic far away country, or your worst nightmare. This is probably one of the most controversial posts I have ever written so put on a seatbelt and hang on tight!
First, it is important to know how I collected my data – being a straight, man-interested woman, there are some perceptions I can give, but others which must come from the horse’s mouth of either foreign men, or Colombian women.
The Truth About Colombian Women
Please remember that this is an editorial opinion, feel free to vent, disagree, or offer your own experience in the comments below!
Let’s begin with a case study involving a Colombian woman – where the man found himself in an earlier grave than he expected.
According to the previous article in Spanish, Timothy was killed for his necklace. It is, of course, the official narrative regarding the incident.
Here is the official statement as quoted in the article by La Semana regarding his death:
“Ella nos informó que se habían conocido a través de redes sociales y que recientemente habían realizado la compra, por $690 millones de pesos, de una vivienda en una de las esquinas de la cuadra donde ocurrió el asesinato con el la idea de montar ahí un restaurante” – general Diego Rosero, Commander of Barranquilla Metropolitan Police. / “She informed us that she had met him on social media and that he had recently bought a house for $690,000,000 Colombian Pesos (COP) on one of the corners of the block where the assassination occurred, with the idea to open a restaurant.”
The rest of the article quotes similar deaths as robberies, to what? Smooth over the idea that he was actually killed for his necklace?
Yet, what it doesn’t mention is that he felt unsafe prior to being killed and had his doubts about the business deal he was in. Here’s a video that I think is closer to the truth of what happened.
Who got to keep the properties and the money? Was it a set up? Was it the woman? Was it talking too much, too plainly online?
What is my point? In a country that will kill a guy for a gold chain, would a woman try to kill him or “let” him get killed for his money/properties once they are married?
Well darling, I am neither the judge nor jury on this one, but the comments on the article linked in this paragraph (and the above video), seem to raise some interesting precautions that foreign visitors, or residents, should consider.
What is my point?
Colombia is hungry – like most of the world right now. Don’t trust people until you get to know them for a while. MOVE SLOWLY.
After being in a moderately remote, small town for a year, I am getting used to the way people do things.
One thing I noticed is that men are coming around who studied me for a while first. Even crazy drug addicts in the street know I am an American woman, most people know who I am before I ever find out who they are, and it can be a bit unnerving.
On the other hand, living in a small town, and listening to what the locals say about people has also helped me avoid pitfalls.
There is a distinct reluctance in this culture to speak badly of others. I respect it, but it means you also have to be direct in asking people for their honest opinion.
Nothing too different from small town USA. However, people in my pueblo seem to do one of two things:
- They rush into a relationship because they are new/lonely/being flirted, or see an advantage they can exploit, like gaining new contacts, a place to live, or a romantic partner. These are usually the “vivos.” Vivos are someone who is waiting for any advantage to be had in their immediate environment, and stand ready to exploit it to the fullest. Instead, listen to a song called Soltero Feliz: “No me clavas!” Don’t hook me.
- It becomes almost like a business deal where men study a woman for a while, then approach her and offer his interest. He will lay out his assets and life goals to see if she gets interested, and begins to go out with him, or they continue to chat a bit.
- Of course, moderation DOES exist. Every Colombian tells me the same: Deja que las cosas se fluyan. “Let things flow.” It doesn’t always happen this way, but there are people who develop the friendship first, then make their approach. For me, this is the ideal approach.
As a woman, these are the ways I have been approached in Colombia. Usually it is to one extreme or another regarding the culture, but I am finding that patience is the key to discovering quality Colombian Women.
High value Colombian women are more career focused, and not as easy to exploit sexually. Middle class women are more hungry and willing to use (aprovechar) any stepping stone that they encounter, true vivas.
Trust No One, Until You Know Them Awhile
The best dates with Colombian Women are usually introductions made by people who you know, and trust. Often the hardest thing to do when you are newly arrived in a fun place like Colombia, is to be patient and get to know your surroundings.
All good things come to those who wait. Hell comes to the impatient.
With the average daily wage being around 40,000 COP per day, or a little over $10 USD, Colombian minimum wage salaries typically do not pay for more than rent (many live at home/ with family), transport, and food.
Women here have a massive disadvantage, even more so once they have children, and sometimes even when it comes to starting a business, or getting ahead.
For many Colombian women, AND men, a foreigner has the funding they need. This creates a favorable outcome for anyone who can capture your attention.
Logically, you must get to know the family and life of the woman you want to date before you get too serious, or even move in.
I have seen so many intense problems begin with a man, or woman, who moved in together too fast and then had unfavorable outcomes. In Colombia, both in business and personal relationships, you truly must get to know the people you decide to associate with.
Don’t Date Colombian Women Who Look cheap – THEY ARE!
In Colombia, is a mechanism called “prepago,” or pre-paids. They are basically on-call prostitutes. Pimping is illegal in Colombia, but prostitution by independent decision, is not.
Like in most of our home countries, a woman who looks cheap, usually is. Try to pick one that dresses more like a career woman, and less like a woman of leisure.
Ultimately, you know who you are. Decide what you want, and find someone who matches that vision.
On the other hand, don’t judge too harshly because Colombian women love to dress colorful and sexy in this region – in a flirty, yet tasteful way.
Over time you will learn to distinguish between women who have tangible value, over the ones who are only trying to appear like they do.
Fidelity Is Not Always a Thing
Spend time observing the culture. Fidelity isn’t a thing that most Colombians worry about here. They don’t consider a side love as being wrong, or even unusual. All they ask for is discretion.
There is even a thing here that Your wife is “la esposa,” the one who mothers your children, keeps your house, and gets attention on Sundays. Your woman, is La Mujer, or La Moza, your mistress, and the one who gets all the gifts, loving and “fun.”
Another common thing is the barrio boyfriend who is totally ok with having her go out with another man. She might be supporting, or even living with her barrio boyfriend while having a relationship with someone which has superior economic, or social leverage.
Colombian Women ARE More Feminine
We are not going to debate this. Yes, Colombian women excel at having beautiful curves, exotic eyes, long black hair, bodacious chests, great fashion style and superior housekeeping skills.
Of course, exceptions do exist. But this is a very rigid culture in the heterosexual arena which values femininity above all, in most cases.
It isn’t a bad thing. I learned to be more feminine as a woman in Colombia and have had better quality men and dating experiences as a result!
Cleanliness is Next to Godliness, Unless They are Men With Money, Especially Dollars
Yes, Colombian women will reluctantly but firmly reject men who are chronically unkempt. If she is young and beautiful; and you are dressed like a slob, she might be after your money.
This is a culture – especially in the Antioquia/Coffee Axis regions, which values clean and smell-good humans. On average they use more daily products than we do, to ensure there are no smelly armpits, foot stink, excessive perspiration, or yellow teeth!
Get a button up shirt, can even be short sleeve, wear close-toed shoes, and consider wearing nice pants for the first few dates. She will feel better being seen with you in public, and you will benefit from higher quality women.
Especially if you have an average body, this will give you a step up over a guy who is younger, or poorly dressed, but totally ripped. Culturally, Colombian Women place high value on smelling good, being well-dressed, AND clean.
They Are Emotionally Strong, Ruthlessly Ambitious, and Risk Takers
This can of course, be a good thing. I have met many women in the Coffee Axis who were business owners, high level executives, and excelling at traditionally male-occupied roles.
These women have seen it all and and are not easy to conquer.
Middle to lower class women are hard working, ambitious, and may even be kinder, to foreign men.
Take your time on getting to know her, watch out for women who have multiple children with multiple men, or who are sleeping with multiple partners – which is actually quite common, and even permitted culturally.
It takes a lot to crack the strength of these women. You really have to respect the emotional power these women display in the fact of a culture where abuse is common.
Investigate The Family a Bit
In a country where virtually every family has “bad apples,” it is extremely important to know where this girl comes from.
Be extremely cautious with women who come from certain pueblos which are either conflict zones, or heavily involved with illicit activities.
Which is again, why taking your time and not getting in too deep, is important for the first year or two.
Assassinations and accidents are very cheap and affordable for the middle and upper classes to someone who is committed enough to their cause. Obviously, this is much more expensive in developed countries where the police are less corruptible, or incentivized to fill higher prison quotas.
Do Not Invite Them To Your Home Until You Have TRUST
There are people who you will feel are your kind of energy and eventually you will invite them home. This is perfectly normal. But, in Colombia, within their own culture, this is usually a big step.
Petty theft is common, even within families. So much so, that homes are kept extremely private. More exceptions will be found in the pueblos. The poorer they are, the more likely they will be to invite you into their homes. And, some are very down to earth. But caution is important.
Don’t be afraid to meet at coffee shops, events, theaters, bars, or coffee shops.
Motels are for sex, hotels are for staying the night. Don’t make the costly mistake of falling asleep afterwards if you are at Motel.
Most people live with their families, Motels are common and acceptable in the beginning of a relationship for sexually active couples. It will save you a ton of headaches if you haven’t met her family, met her at a bar, met her casually, or you have any doubts.
Watch Out For Manipulation
Not sure what kind of crap is going to rain on me for this statement, but witches DO exist, and there is a large industry built on love potions, spells, enchantments and the such in Colombia.
Certain pueblos are known for their witchery – which is usually of the female sort. This has grown in Colombia, and this VICE Report tells us how that cartels are fully invested in black magic in order to achieve nefarious ends. Whether you believe it is real is irrelevant with a culture that is naturally superstitious, and wary of the strange or unexplained.
Don’t leave personal articles, or hair behind, if it is a one-night stand, or you can’t imagine walking down the aisle with her, they can be used against you.
Most are quite normal, but you must understand that Colombian Woman come in many different shades of grey.
This isn’t meant to be dating advice. It is simply an observation about women in a culture that has fought to survive despite long odds. Their instincts come from rampant poverty, corruption, and less quality of education.
Ask yourself this question: What risks have you taken to get ahead in life?
And another question: If you had nothing to lose, what risks would you take to get ahead?
Enjoy the ride, make lifelong friends…but proceed into the dating realm with caution – especially if you want something that is deeper and long-lasting. Not all that shines is gold, especially when dating Colombian Women.
If you feel like these tips resound with you and you want to have an online consulting session – feel free to email me at email@example.com. Cost is $25/hour to sit and discuss perspectives, ideas and culture norms related to dating in Colombia.
And, if you are woman looking for your prince charming…relax sister, it isn’t as easy as you might think! Read more here: