Relationships Versus Sex in Colombia

Colombia is home to some of the friendliest, most open, and fun-loving people you’ll ever meet. Their vibrant energy, warmth, and spontaneity can make every encounter feel like an adventure. They inspire us, add color to our lives, and create unforgettable experiences that stay with us long after we’ve left.

However, beneath the excitement and charm lies a more complex reality—one that many foreigners find difficult to navigate. Language barriers, cultural differences, and personal values often make it challenging to understand the deeper dynamics at play. While casual encounters and passionate flings are easy to come by, forming lasting, meaningful relationships can be an entirely different story.

Colombian culture places a strong emphasis on passion and affection, which can sometimes blur the lines between romance and physical attraction. Many visitors are drawn in by the country’s lively dating scene, but they soon realize that love and sex do not always go hand in hand. Understanding these nuances is essential for anyone looking to build genuine connections beyond fleeting moments of pleasure.

In this article, we’ll explore the key differences between relationships and casual sex in Colombia, offering insights into the expectations, challenges, and cultural subtleties that shape romantic experiences in this captivating country.

Relationships vs Sex in Colombia

This is a tricky topic to tackle, but it’s not my first time. I encourage you to share your thoughts, experiences, and even criticisms in the comments—I welcome them all. Honestly, this is as much a candid, campfire-style conversation as it is me reflecting on my personal successes (and, more often, failures) in the unpredictable world of dating in Colombia.

Language Barriers

Unlike the average expat or traveler, I had a bit of a head start with Spanish. In high school, I took three years of Honors Spanish—an accelerated, intensive program—and absolutely loved it. From interactive games to songs and crossword-style worksheets, learning felt more like play than work.

In February 2013, at 27 years old, I moved to Colombia and have since made it my permanent home, with only one visit back to my native country. As someone who works hard to support myself, I had an intense motivation to master Spanish—not just for cultural immersion, but for survival, ensuring I could eat well and sleep comfortably.

This dedication to the language has given me a unique foothold in Colombian culture. In this guide, I’ll break down key phrases and communication styles you’ll likely encounter in romantic relationships—particularly in Colombia’s Coffee Axis region.

I say all this to make one key point:

Your success in choosing a boyfriend, husband, or lover in Colombia depends on your ability to understand their language—both spoken and unspoken. Picking up on grammar, subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues, and body language is crucial. Don’t come here taking shots in the dark.

Colombian culture places a high value on public image, meaning many people mask their true selves on a societal level. You can’t expect to change them—only to make your own choices, whether that means adapting or moving on.

Read More about relationships in Colombia: https://openmindedtraveler.com/2017/06/05/relationships-in-colombia/

Culture Norms

In Colombia, good people take relationships seriously. High-quality individuals work hard to build strong interpersonal connections, maintain their public image, and contribute to their communities.

In smaller towns, casual sex happens discreetly, but only a select few invest in true relationships. This cultural norm traces back to deep-rooted Catholic traditions and the taboos that come with them. Married men and women may take lovers privately, but rarely make it public or pursue divorce. Instead, they often settle for the label “separated.”

In Colombia, it’s common—and often socially acceptable—for married men and women to take lovers or turn a blind eye to their spouse’s affairs. However, in traditional Catholic circles, divorce remains taboo, and many priests no longer grant church annulments. Because of the permanence of both legal and religious marriage, older generations, in particular, tend to stay with their spouses while seeking fulfillment elsewhere.

There’s even a well-known saying:
“A wife to clean and raise kids, a lover for pleasure and fun.”

As a foreign resident, you must decide whether this cultural reality is something you can forgive, tolerate, or walk away from.

In Colombia, relationships often last longer and endure more for the sake of stability. Especially in smaller towns, where life can feel unpredictable, many people prefer to hold on to a partner—flawed or not—rather than face being alone.

Along those same lines, people also spend a lot more time getting to know each other before committing to anything serious. Easy sex on the other hand is available everywhere. If you aren’t getting any – it really is you!

In the words of one of my neighbors in my small town of 12,000 inhabitants, “This place is a giant orgy.” Ew, which also leads to another locally known fact, that there are high rates of birth out of wedlock, and sexually transmitted diseases.

Truthfully, if lots of sex is your thing, you can find it anywhere in Colombia. If your real desire is to have a stable relationship, and a family, then you will have the best results by taking your time to know people around you before getting too involved. It can take 6 months up to a couple of years to really know someone enough to risk a relationship with that person.

Tip: Watch out for anyone who tickles the palm of your hand when you shake in greeting – they are giving you a not-so-subtle hint of their sexual interest. Be discreet if you decide to use it, the other person might get offended!

Personal Values

Our personal values change in new or different environments. We make our decisions based on our own upbringing, cultural values, religions beliefs, and experiences.

In a new place, we have to re-evaluate your personal values, their personal values, and then make a decision on whether you are going to compromise or draw a hard line.

Hypocrisy is a thing here. People will do lots of things behind closed doors that they may openly criticize in front of their friends. Maybe it isn’t just Colombia, but watch out for those pots who call the kettle black.

It is not uncommon for men and women to also be bisexual, but going back to the hypocrisy of things they will hide and deny in most situations anything that isn’t the commonly accepted norm.

Dating in Colombia

Dating in Colombia is a great adventure. The best results come from taking your time to really get inside the culture and orient yourself.

Hobbies, sports, gym programs, dance classes, and coffee shops are all great ways to meet and interact with Colombians. You will quickly find that people here are not afraid to approach strangers. Especially if you share a common activity.

In my own experience you can’t go wrong by spending 6 months in a similar routine where you go to the same place, to do the same thing, with the same people. Especially dance classes like Tango, or salsa give their attendees more opportunities to interact and create connections.

Get to know the people around you and give it lots of time to mature.

Relationships vs Sex in Colombia

If a man or woman wants something a little bit more serious with you, they introduce you to their mother. Even on the first date, this seems to be a normal occurrence as a way to signal a more serious interest.

This doesn’t change much across cultures, but maybe we need to be reminded. People who invite you to drink with them (versus going out to dinner) are probably hoping to have sex with you. Which is ok. But, don’t confuse the two.

A friend in Manizales who has a certain reputation for taking lovers once told me something that I think is true about dating in Colombia.

If you have sex once for adventure, no problem. Maybe it was so incredible you go back a second time. But, the third time one starts to fall under the control of the other.

“A man who occasionally wanders”

This is like a way of saying, know yourself and don’t do anything you will regret, or which will leave one of you hurting. From personal experience you really can’t be too careful

Use protection!! Some men will lie and do whatever they want. Some women will lie about birth control. Children add value to lives in this country because of child support! Also, use a condom to prevent STD’s! Be smart!

Watch out for anyone who doesn’t want to be seen with you in public!

Don’t move in until you have been together for at least 6 months. Don’t take them home for the first few months, if possible!

Abstaining from sex always means better relationship possibilities and interest in being serious. Pressuring for sex usually means that all he really wants is sex.

Inviting you to go on day trips and family hang outs always means you are moving towards a more serious relationship.

Talk about it! Don’t expect him/her to read your mind and try to set clear, easy to understand expectations.

Conclusion: Understanding Relationships vs. Sex in Colombia

The dynamics between men and women are always complex, but with time and experience, patterns become easier to recognize. Colombian culture is generally carefree and joyful—sex often happens naturally, and rekindling things with an ex is common.

Of course, there are always exceptions, and things may not unfold the way you expect. The key is to embrace the moment, trust your instincts, and balance emotions with logic.

Stay Safe While Dating in Colombia:

✅ Let someone know where you’re going and with whom.
✅ Avoid venturing alone to rural or distant places with someone you just met.
✅ Limit alcohol, especially during the first few dates.

Most importantly, have fun! If a relationship or situation makes you feel unhappy or uneasy, it’s probably not the right fit. But when the energy feels right—let it flow!

If these insights resonate with you and you’d like a personalized consultation on dating and cultural norms in Colombia, feel free to email me at openmindedtravel@gmail.com. Sessions are $25/hour for an in-depth discussion on perspectives, experiences, and local dating culture.

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