That exhilarating falling sensation—the one we all long to experience at least once—can sometimes lead to a rough landing. Are Colombians Capable of Love? When the honeymoon phase fades, we’re often left heartbroken, questioning our own sanity.

Dating in Colombia is a complex topic—one that can’t be easily generalized. Yet, here we are again, drawing fresh conclusions based on personal experiences and the emails we receive from our audience.

Are Colombians Capable of Love?

To be completely honest, Colombians are more than capable of loving their mothers and children. They may even have that one first love—the one that left them forever changed, making it hard for anyone else, including you and me, to measure up.

To be completely honest, Colombians are more than capable of loving their mothers and children. They may even have that one first love—the one that changed them forever and set an impossible standard for everyone else, including you and me.

Learn more about Colombian Women Here: https://openmindedtraveler.com/2021/10/01/truth-about-colombian-women/

Too Much Trauma

In the 21st century, we know that many of our current problems may be a result of past trauma. Abandonment, lack of love during childhood or the violence from the Colombian civil war may have played a role in the psyches of people we are meeting and loving.

Here’s a quick look at trauma impact on relationships from the International Society for Trauma Stress Studies:

“Living through traumatic events may result in expectations of danger, betrayal, or potential harm within new or old relationships. Survivors may feel vulnerable and confused about what is safe, and therefore it may be difficult to trust others, even those whom they trusted in the past. It may feel frightening to get close to people for fear of being hurt in an unsafe world.”

In my last relationship, I found myself falling in love – and ultimately breaking up with him because in his words “I know not all women are the same…but.” There was no real logical explanation that he could give me about his inability to love, but that was the closest he could get.

Colombia was unsafe for many years. This is a place where people will create relationships in order to hurt, steal or extort other people. Trust is probably the most precious commodity available in Colombia.

The impact of broken families and the violence of the civil war, cartel/mafia activities and petty crime/theft have created several generations of people who put on a face that says “I’m happy” while hiding an interior that screams painfully “I’m hurt.”

The same article as the previous quote also says:

“Many trauma survivors feel emotionally numb and have trouble feeling or expressing positive emotions in a relationship.”

So if you feel like they are disconnected and distant – they probably are. But it is not our job to fix them. Changing past problems must come from within. It is rare that these victims will allow outside intervention to help them move on or process their issues.

Exterior vs. Interior Worlds

Even Colombians who leave the country at a young age and grow up in safer, more stable environments—such as Europe or the U.S.—often struggle to relate to their fellow countrymen upon returning. Foreign visitors, meanwhile, tend to take for granted the trust and security that exist in their home countries.

After 11 years in Colombia, I still find it difficult to truly understand what goes on inside the minds of Colombian men and women. Many people I’ve met rarely open up about their past, let alone discuss deeper traumas or hardships they’ve experienced.

My son’s father, for example, would fondly recall his early childhood in El Chocó—a region affected by conflict. But from the age of 13 or 14, when he and his family were displaced, there’s a complete void in his memories. From 13 to 27—the year I met him—he shared almost nothing. The little he did reveal consisted of a few sparse, positive details, leaving a vast part of his life unspoken.

Sex Tourism and the Cam Girl Industry in Colombia

Across Colombia, from small towns to major cities, a portion of men and women work in the adult industry—whether as cam models, performers, or porn stars. According to reports, this is a $100 million USD industry in Colombia. However, the same sources highlight that many webcam workers struggle with emotional instability and often do not receive the necessary mental health support.

🔗 Do you understand the difference between sex and relationships in Colombia? Read more here.

Some cam models have even turned their work into a side business, forming false online relationships with clients and requesting money under the guise of financial hardship. The reality is, if you haven’t met these people in person, you’re at serious risk of being scammed. Always approach these situations with caution.

One of my readers sent me the following:

Not long after, I received another letter from him—this time saying he wanted to buy her appliances and other household items. Instead of responding, I deleted it. As much as I had tried to warn him, I knew he was a lost cause.

This scenario happens all the time. A significant sector of the Colombian economy benefits from well-meaning foreigners who send money to people they believe they’re in a relationship with.

In one extreme case, a man was involved with a woman online, only for things to take a tragic turn. When he arrived in Colombia expecting a future together, she rejected him—leading to a horrifying crime where he dismembered her and hid the remains in a suitcase. While this in no way excuses such violence, reading between the lines, it’s clear that he believed their relationship was real—until reality proved otherwise. Read more on this case here.

Again, this is not about justifying bad behavior—it’s about urging you to think critically before trusting someone you’ve only met online.

If you haven’t met them in person and seen their situation firsthand, you truly don’t know what’s going on. Period.

Want proof? Read the comments under our other dating articles. You’ll find a mix of fairy tale love stories and absolute nightmares—with the latter making up about 75% of the cases.

Can Love Be Bought?

A foreign expat friend of mine once said, “She is a Ferrari…” when referring to his girlfriend—now wife. He genuinely has feelings for her, but he also acknowledges that the cost of her “love” is as high as maintaining a luxury sports car. And for him, that’s perfectly fine.

In Medellín expat groups, men frequently discuss how much they pay to have a stunning woman by their side. Yes, in Colombia, love can be bought—at least superficially. It can boost your image, feed your self-esteem, and impress the folks back home.

And many people—especially men—are willing to settle for that.

Are Colombians Capable of Love?

Don’t fool yourself—there may be someone back in their neighborhood benefiting from the “gringo bounty.” They might be capable of love, but if you’re paying for their affection or attention, you’re probably not the one they truly love.

How Do We Create Healthy Relationships in Colombia?

Is it even possible? Are Colombians truly capable of love?

My mother always tells me she hopes I’ll meet a man who has lived abroad long enough to develop a broader perspective on both our cultures.

I’ve dated men I just met, and I’ve dated men I’d known for a year or two beforehand—yet, I still struck out.

In Colombia, there’s even a popular saying:

“El que ama, pierde.”
(The one who loves, loses.)

If Colombians themselves are skeptical about the idea of true love, how much harder is it for a foreigner hoping to build something real?

🔗 Cross-cultural relationships ARE challenging—read more here.

Unfortunately, based on personal experience and the stories of many others, most people will see you as a stepping stone—a way to a better life or a brighter opportunity. My first Colombian boyfriend, for example, used me to start a business. I helped buy equipment and get things running—only for him to leave me for a Venezuelan woman he had gotten pregnant.

Conclusion: The Reality of Relationships in Colombia

There’s no magic formula for navigating relationships in Colombia. It’s more like a game of Russian roulette than something that follows a logical pattern. You might get lucky—or you might strike out over and over again.

One thing is certain: many people are not capable of deep, meaningful love. More often than not, they’re using you—for papers, prestige, money, or even sex.

As for me, I’ve chosen to focus on myself, my family, and my projects. Will I give love another chance? It’s not a priority. My mom believes I need to manifest the kind of relationship I want—but before that, I need to heal.

Sources:

🔗 International Society for Trauma Stress Studies: Trauma and Relationships
🔗 The Webcam Industry in Colombia: Viability vs. Exploitation